The Birds and Bees 2022 style.

Michael Dubhthaigh
3 min readAug 13, 2022


I know now why I am not being paid the big bucks.

It took someone with years of study and the alphabet after his name to come up with this.

No way could I have made up the headline, and I am not sure there are many people outside of a bureaucracy who could have.

But you gotta give it to them, it is eye-catching.

Although I will add “..while wearing a mask and a condom.”

Cleaning floors or carpets is a chore. So having a painter's drop sheet below you while you wank yourself would be a good idea.

On second thoughts maybe a disposable CDC-approved medical gown would be better.

So let’s add this to some of the other clangers that have come from the mouths of Chief Health Officers and politicians over the last 2 years.

“No kissing when having sex with your partner.”

“Wear a mask when having sex with your partner.”

No doubt some people followed those instructions, given they were made by supposedly highly educated and qualified people.

Me, I just shook my head and wondered how they come up with this shit.

Why are they interfering in people's bedrooms?

How much control of our lives do they want?

I imagine some bureaucratic legislation coming up with:-

“You can only have sex if you have filled out a risk assessment form that meets all the guidelines set out in the legislation, including but not limited to

3 minutes to complete the sexual act because that is when pathogens from sweat are more likely to be spread through the masks.

All risk assessments must be submitted no earlier than 7 days before sex takes place, to allow for a timekeeper to be present when you intend to have sex.

Failure to comply can result in fines up to $50,000 and 7 years in jail.”

You can bet the dude at the door would have been issued with the latest nano-second accurate stopwatch.

In addition to his iPhone clock.

By the looks of the comment at the top from the CDC, we are not far from living in their idyllic world of regulations.

And sadly it is getting worse.

Two things we have known for thousands of years about people and their habits is that they not only like sex but love a drink as well.

Birds and the Bees was a saying not too long ago in the past that was used to… sort of reference life.

We know that birds lay eggs.

Bees are known in some societies as messengers from God, who make honey which, when fermented becomes alcohol.

Ancient Egyptians, Greeks, Romans, Scandinavians even the Incas and Aztecs enjoyed a drop of mead.

The Greeks even worshipped Bacchus the god of mead.

Even The term honeymoon comes from the ancient tradition of giving a bridal couple a supply of honey-wine to last for 30 days. That is moon-to-moon.

This has long been thought to provide a fruitful union for the newlyweds.

A common phrase, but you can see it here.

Not so long back an Australian politician made this statement…

“There will be no drinking of alcohol without a mask.”

True !

Then he babbled on about flattening the curve or some statist control freak crap.

Where do these people get off?

The ancients might have used straws to filter sediment, but modern technology has sorted that.

So now after more than 2 years of unrestricted power, the bureaucrats and politicians have finally conceived (pun intended), a way to restrict among other things, sex, alcohol, and the general enjoyment of life.

Even banning kids from using playgrounds.

The question politicians are probably weighing up now is:

Will they be able to succeed at a second shutdown of society?

I am hoping not.



Michael Dubhthaigh

Thanks for stopping by. I write straight off the top of my head and sometimes forget to edit. More about me here.